I am so worried about my son. He has had a gambling problem (sports betting) for approx. 6 years now. He is in his early 20's. He never has any money. He has a good paying job, but looses most of what he makes gambling. He really is such a good person, and this addiction that is destroying him is breaking my heart!
- My Son Has A Gambling Problem What Can I Do Something
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- My Son Has A Gambling Problem What Can I Do It
- My Son Has A Gambling Problem What Can I Do Someone
I have a serious gambling problem, how can you help me please - Answered by a verified Mental Health Professional We use cookies to give you the best possible experience on our website. By continuing to use this site you consent to the use of cookies on your device as described in our cookie policy unless you have disabled them. If you suspect someone you know has a gambling problem, ways to help are available; however, the most important thing you can do is to encourage them to get help from a professional. We can assist you in finding help for a loved if you call. We Can Help with Your Son’s Gambling Addiction. This generation of young people has unprecedented access to gambling. Unfortunately, they’re equipped to deal with the associated pressures. The good news is that help’s available. The Edge operates gambling addiction treatment that’s tailor-made for teens and young men aged 18 to 26.
He called tonight and told me he had gambled again, and lost. He did not tell me how much. He has been loosing around $1,000 each time he gambles and looses. He indicated it was around this amount. For the first time he said he has decided to never gamble again. In the past he has said he has confidence he can get this under control. He was very upset, as he always is when this happens. I know he means it when he says he has decided to never gamble again, but I am so afraid he will not be able to. He has gotten an extension on his car payment, delaying his payment for a month. I am afraid the day may come that he looses his car, and consequently, his job. He is so young to have such a TERRIBLE addiction! But then, I suppose age has nothing to do with addictions.
Do any of you have any advice on how I can help him follow through on his desire to stop gambling? I want to help, but do not know what to do next. In the past I have suggested Gam. Anonymous. He has said he would go if I want him to. I have told him he needs to go if HE wants to. Maybe this time he will go. Does it really help? He is a very proud young man, and a kind, caring person who wants to do well in life. He worries so much about others; he really needs to take care of himself first.
I know I am probably rambling on here. I am so at a loss as to what to do. It hurts so bad; I am so afraid for him. Concentrating on my daily responsibilities is very hard. At times I think of resigning from my teaching position at a local community college, and just isolating myself from the world. A terrible thought, I know, and of course I could not give up and do such a thing---but at times one feels like it. I feel for all of you who have this terrible addiction. I admire all who have found the way and the strength to overcome it.
Please, if any of you have any advise as to how I can help my son, I would be thankful.
I have the book, 'Don't Leave It to Chance, A Guide for Families of Problem Gamblers', by Edward J. Federman, Charles E. Drebing, and Christopher Krebs. It is a good book. I have not read all of it though. I also have the book, 'Love First' by Jeff and Debra Jay. It is a book on alcoholism and drug addiction. However, it was recommend to me for gambling addiction. It is a book on intervention help. Perhaps I will spend the week end reading these two books, and will have a better idea on how to help my son.
Thank you for this forum that I have found tonight.
Jane, Friday January 28, 2005
04:51 AM EST
04:51 AM EST
Hi Jane and welcome! I can relate to your son putting off the car payment because I am digging out of this hole right now. Your son is very blessed to have a parent who wants to help. It sounds like you are doing your homework about this disease. GA although I haven't been to that particular 12 step meetings is a good place for your son to learn he is not alone and to find support from other gamblers who are one day at a time trying to stay away from gambling
You are right this disease does not care how old you are and it comes in all shapes and sizes. He cannot beat this thing by himself. It is good that he can talk to you about it. This site has helped me so much in the past week. My last gamble was last Saturday and one day at a time, I have not gambled this week. Each day is a miracle.
Your son will need to make the move toward recovery by asking for help. He will need help from someone who has been there and knows exactly how to help him. Family unfortunately is not enough, love is not enough, this disease needs a dose of reality right between the eyes.
You may want to show your son this site and see if he can introduce himself and get to know more about recovery from gambling. The first step is the hardest. The rest is just plain old fashioned hard work!!
crazylady
Hello, and thank you for your reply.
I have talked to my son tonight (he lives 85 miles away). He is positive, and determined to beat this. I do not know what steps he is going to take to help himself. He works long shifts every other week, and I will not be able to talk to him long for a few days. I will mention this site to him, and hope he will join in the discussions here. It looks like a great support group.
I do not know if he will be attending GA meetings. I will suggest it to him. I do believe it would help alot for him to have someone to talk to that has been through this. He has the book, 'Don't Leave It to Chance,' and has read some of it. I believe it is a good book, and may help if he would read it.
I have two questions I would like to ask:
Have any of you read the book 'Comped' by Bill Kearney? If so, did you find it helpful? Have you read the book '7 Steps to Overcoming Gambling Addiction for Life'?
Also, on this web site in the 'financial service' section, there is a program to help with financial problems. Have any of you tried this, and did you find it helpful? I am thinking that debt consolidation might help. I believe, though, that any one considering debt consolidation should cut up all credit cards first, and do NOT get any more.
I thank you for your time.
I am glad I found this site. I am wondering if it is for the gambling addicted person only. You have made me feel welcome, though.
Thank you again, and good luck to all of you!!
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hello Jane,
Keep supporting him no matter what. Do not ever bail him out or give him any money to get by on.. that will just make it worse for him and harder to stop gambling. He has to be accountable to someone, he must put himself on an allowance and turn everything else over to someone else he can trust to hold on to his money and help him pay his bills. He has to be willing to stop gambling and work a recovery that will help keep him away from this addiction.. Meetings, calling other cgs for support, groups like this.. He is so young to be a cg. help him now.. Find out all you can about this disease and follow thru with getting him help.. too many young people are addicted to gambling and many end up wanting to commit suicide because of the depression.. Stay in touch with him everyday, several times a day if you have too.. I do wish the best for you and your son. I have three grown kids, Its so hard on us when they suffer with an addiction.. stay strong and never give up. Hugs Audrey
Keep supporting him no matter what. Do not ever bail him out or give him any money to get by on.. that will just make it worse for him and harder to stop gambling. He has to be accountable to someone, he must put himself on an allowance and turn everything else over to someone else he can trust to hold on to his money and help him pay his bills. He has to be willing to stop gambling and work a recovery that will help keep him away from this addiction.. Meetings, calling other cgs for support, groups like this.. He is so young to be a cg. help him now.. Find out all you can about this disease and follow thru with getting him help.. too many young people are addicted to gambling and many end up wanting to commit suicide because of the depression.. Stay in touch with him everyday, several times a day if you have too.. I do wish the best for you and your son. I have three grown kids, Its so hard on us when they suffer with an addiction.. stay strong and never give up. Hugs Audrey
Hi Jane, what a wonderful mum he has, I hope he comes to realise that before he uses you, because if he continues he will grind (let me correct myself, his addiction will) grind you to the ground.
Like a drug addict in desperation for a fix, we are no different; it is all about the similarities. I started my addiction by being introduced to machines my mother. She to this day is an addict but will never admit it. Yet she watched my life go down the drain and she is still going.
I have helped myself and she hasn't. Your young fella needs to help himself Jane. How does not matter as much as when he decides to stop. Anytime is a good time and ask him to make himself a promise not to gamble today, before dinner etc if he needs to break it down. Let the future come to him and take it a bit at a time.
I have not gambled for 27 odd months now and it has been a day at a time. Sure tough sometimes but that is why I keep busy on places like this. Or my own blog (online diary) Ask him to go have a good read of mine called Lost Wallets and other lies here
We do not know each other but I will guarantee you he will relate to it. I suggest every gambler on earth get one of these. It is very liberating, can be private or for the world to see, can include anything form thoughts, confessions to funny stories etc but the thing it does best Jane is lift a huge wait off your shoulders. This also helps if he is reluctant to go to GA or group sessions. I see someone once a month these days one on one.
Let us know how you go, email me anytime
Take care
Rob
Hello to all of you,
Thank you all so much for being there. I am so glad I found this site. Thank you crazylady, audrey, and rob for your replies. You all have been such a help, and a comfort. I worry that I am in contact with my son too often. We usually talk at least once a day. He is a wonderful son, and it is so hard to see him being torn up by this terrible addiction. Yes Audrey, it is hard on us when our children suffer an addiction. I try to be strong and not let his addiction 'grind me to the ground', but to be honest with you, at times it does. Some nights I lie awake all night, tossing and turning, crying and shaking. This is the other side of addiction. But I know I have to try to stay strong, not just for myself, but for all of my family. (I, too, have three grown kids.) My husband seems to handle it all much easier, but inside I know he is hurting.
Rob, I do not know you, nor any one else here, but I am proud of you and the others that have stopped gambling. Wow, 27 months! Be proud of yourself. I can not understand this addiction from the side of an addict, but I can understand it from my side: having watched what my son has gone through for the last 5-6 years,(slowly getting worse) and from having read about this disease. Actually, I once worked in a casino. I saw people come into the casino with their monthly social security checks, gamble it away, and have nothing to live on for the rest of the month.
'One day at a time' seems like a very good way to approach this. And, Rob, your blog will be a big help, I am sure! Thank you for sharing this!!
I talked to my son tonight, and he said he is as strong now in his conviction to stop as he was three days ago when he decided to stop gambling. He does not want to go to GA, I know he will need help somewhere---I will give him this site, the blog, and other info I have. He will have to want to help himself. I know he wants to, it just seems so hard from what I know of this addiction. Meeting all of you, and seeing that you are strong and on the road to recovery is encouraging. The gamblock is a good thing to know about. One of the problems is we live in the state of Nevada---yep, gambling is everywhere. He likes to do sports betting, and he is afraid he will not enjoy sports as much. I guess that when you are recovering from this addiction you have to learn to live your life over, in a sense.
![Problem Problem](/uploads/1/3/4/3/134327723/780959288.jpg)
I am sorry for going on for so long. I have one more thing: I have, in the past loaned my son money. (Alot) As have others. I now know that was wrong. This is one of the ways this addiction affects others; you hurt because the person has lost this money, you love him, and want to help, you think that you will loan the money, the situation will be resolved, everyone will feel better, and maybe, just maybe, this will be the time that he will see what he is doing and be able to stop. Of course, by giving the money we only enable them to continue with the gambling. You love this person, and this is hard to see, but it is important to know.
Thank you all.............
jane10 Common Lies Compulsive Gamblers Tell
If you’re living with a compulsive gambler, you’re already familiar with the never-ending cycle of lies, half-truths, and deliberate distortion of facts. But if you haven’t yet confirmed (but do suspect) that your spouse or partner has a gambling addiction, look carefully at his or her behavior patterns for signs that gambling has become more than just a casual occurrence. Compulsive lying is one of the symptoms of compulsive or pathological gamblers. These gamblers are addicted to gambling, and lying becomes second nature to them. What are some of the common lies compulsive gamblers tell? Read on.
#1: I don’t have a gambling problem.
Anyone who flat-out denies they have a gambling problem, despite evidence to the contrary, is either well on their way to full-blown gambling addiction or is already there. By the time someone is deep into gambling, their behavior becomes consistent and predictable. They will do anything and say anything to get to their primary goal: gambling. That they stretch the truth or tell outright lies is an understatement. Gambling addicts, even after disastrous losses, bankruptcy and financial ruin, legal problems, deteriorating family and personal relationships, will often steadfastly maintain that they don’t have a gambling problem.
Denial is a coping mechanism the compulsive gambler uses to attempt to mask his or her problem. By hoping to keep the truth from coming out, the gambler tries to buy time – time he or she uses to keep on gambling. Thus, there’s self-denial and denial to others. Both types of denial are symptoms of many kinds of addiction, not just gambling addiction. The more a person swears they don’t have a problem – gambling or alcohol or drugs or other addictive behavior – the more likely it is that they do.
Lie #2: I can stop anytime I want.
Confronting a compulsive gambler – calling him or her on the indisputable facts that indicate gambling has become an addictive behavior – will usually generate this kind of lie in response. The gambler cannot admit to you or him/her self that there’s a problem, number one, and, number two, if that doesn’t work, he or she will profess vehemently that stopping is no problem. To prove it, the compulsive gambler may even stay away from the casino, sports book, Internet gaming, or track for a short period of time.
But the lure of cashing in on the big score, snagging the elusive prize is too great. Before long, the compulsive gambler is right back at it. He or she simply cannot resist the temptation. The urge to gamble has become a craving that gnaws incessantly on the consciousness. To ignore the craving is to suffer – and the compulsive gambler only wants the high that comes from gambling.
Lie #3: My gambling doesn’t hurt anyone.
Most addicts believe – some, even sincerely – that their addiction doesn’t hurt anyone. Some even believe their addiction doesn’t even hurt them. It’s just as true with compulsive gambling as addiction to alcohol, illicit drugs, prescription drugs used nonmedically, or other addictive behavior including compulsive sex, overwork, eating disorders, and so on. In fact, gambling addiction, like all addictions, is considered a family disease/disorder. What happens when one individual in the family is addicted impacts all members of the family.
My Son Has A Gambling Problem What Can I Do Something
What kinds of harm does this potentially involve? Depending on the length of time the individual has been gambling, and the other addictions the person may also have, the damage may be extensive. Compulsive gamblers often are addicted to alcohol, nicotine, or other harmful substances. This can result in physical deterioration to the addict as well as mental and emotional difficulties: cognitive impairment, difficulty concentrating, loss of memory, explosive rage, extreme mood swings, depression, psychosis, and thoughts of suicide, among others.
Dealing with the effects of gambling addiction, the family suffers right along with the gambler. As gambling takes up more and more of the individual’s life, taking care of family responsibilities becomes less important. Many gamblers lose their home, go bankrupt, get arrested for various crimes (embezzlement, fraud, theft, violence, DUIs, etc.), lose their job or source of income, become violent and abusive to family members, lose their families. As a unit, the family often disintegrates. In fact, without treatment, compulsive gambling is a downward spiral that has, at its final stage, a predictable outcome for the individual: prison, commitment to a mental institution, or death.
Lie #4: I didn’t go gambling.
Meeting the gambler at the door and asking where he or she was is like asking for the inevitable lie: I didn’t go gambling. What else can the compulsive gambler say? Admitting that he or she went gambling is tantamount to admitting loss of control, an inability to set and keep boundaries, and a refusal to keep a promise. If there’s the smell of alcohol and the individual reeks of cigarette smoke or there are other telltale signs of substance use – and you know the person has a history of gambling – hearing the denial will only add fuel to the fire.
You know it’s an outright lie. Confrontation isn’t the way to deal with it. At least, it’s not the solution right now. You need to pick your time for the discussion, and it needs to be when the compulsive gambler is rational, calm, and able to carry on a conversation about the situation in a normal manner.
Lie #5: I have my gambling under control.
If you are the partner or spouse who relies on the compulsive gambler to take care of the bills and other financial responsibilities in the household, you may be tempted to believe this lie. He or she has unrestricted access to the checking and savings accounts, credit cards, lines of credit and other avenues. If, on the other hand, you are the one who controls the purse strings, so to speak, and you constantly give in to the requests for money, you are enabling the compulsive gambler to continue with his or her addictive behavior. You are complicit, codependent, and have just magnified the problem by making it easier for the compulsive gambler to continue.
When someone says they have their gambling under control, they are lying not only to you but also to themselves. A person who only buys a Lotto ticket once in a while will never make this statement. Someone who goes to the track daily, or can’t go by the casino without going in and gambling for hours, maxing out the ATM withdrawals, badgering friends for cash, is very likely to utter these words – and probably more than just a few times. After a while, they just aren’t believable anymore. And the evidence will mount to prove just how big a lie it is.
Lie #6: I didn’t touch our savings.
Desperation sets in the longer the compulsive gambler engages in the addictive behavior. Why is this? While the gambler may initially (in the early stages of gambling behavior) have some wins, the odds are literally stacked against him or her. Sooner or later, the house always wins. It doesn’t matter if the form of gambling is at an actual casino, or sports betting, or Internet gaming, the gambler’s luck eventually runs out.
But the gambler is convinced it’s only a temporary setback. If he or she just keeps gambling, the luck will return. There’s always the big score, the huge payout, just around the corner. All that’s needed is the infusion of cash.
Where to get the cash? Gamblers will rob savings accounts, jockey funds back and forth, hide the passbook or bank statements, and delay the inevitable – all in the futile attempt to keep you from the truth. If you hear your partner or spouse say he or she didn’t touch your savings, you’d better check it out with the bank yourself. Chances are this is just another lie the compulsive gambler tells you.
Lie #7: You won’t believe what happened…
The more deep in debt the compulsive gambler gets – and there’s no way around the fact that this will occur – the more elaborate and exaggerated the lies and stories he or she begins to concoct. There’ll be the robbery that occurred as he or she was depositing money in the bank – and now everything’s gone. Or someone stole his or her wallet and now the credit cards are gone. There may have been an unbelievable investment opportunity and it had a limited window, so he or she had to jump in now or lose the chance… All this and more will come out of the compulsive gambler’s mouth as a way to explain what happened to your money.
If you hear the words: You won’t believe what happened… don’t believe it. No matter how convincing it sounds, it’s likely a lie.
Lie #8: My friend was in trouble and needed money.
This lie is an evergreen one that almost every compulsive gambler uses on more than one occasion. In fact, it’s so common that it’s nearly predictable that you will hear it sooner or later. Certainly there are times when your spouse or partner’s friends may be in trouble. Who doesn’t have such an experience? But when your partner is a compulsive gambler, you have reason to be suspicious. Naturally, you want to give someone you care about the benefit of the doubt, but after falling for this lie time and time again, you’re again only enabling the addictive behavior to continue.
The story about a friend being in trouble and needing money fast also falls into the lie category of you won’t believe what happened. Elaborate, exaggerated, and preposterous stories – all lies – are part and parcel of the compulsive gambler’s repertoire.
Lie #9: You can trust me now.
Trust is a fragile thing. Once you lose trust in another individual, it’s very hard to ever trust that person again. The closer you are to the person, especially if you are married or live with him or her, the more difficult it is to re-establish trust once it’s lost.
Compulsive gamblers need to be able to continue their addictive behavior. In order to do that, they either have to have a complicit or codependent partner, or they have to convince whomever they need to in order to continue to gain access to cash. Friends will eventually see through the lies and refuse to lend any more money to the gambler. After all, this money is rarely, if ever, repaid. They know it’s going for gambling, despite the lies the gambler tells. They gradually avoid the gambler, refusing to take his or her calls, quickly finding an excuse to leave if approached. There’s no trust there now.
But when you live with the compulsive gambler, have a relationship that’s lasted for some period of time, even have children with the gambler – you have a vested interest in maintaining the relationship. You obviously care for (or have cared for) the person. Your heart breaks over what’s been happening as your loved one slides deeper into gambling addiction. Time and time again, you’ve given in and accepted the lies. You’ve told yourself that it’s only a phase, or it’s not that bad, or he or she will outgrow it. Who’s lying to whom now?
Trust is earned through action. Trust is not gained through words. If your partner or spouse says you can trust him or her now, say that it will take time and action – getting treatment, quitting gambling – for you to again be able to place your trust in him/her.
My Son Has A Gambling Problem What Can I Donate
Lie #10: I’ll never gamble again.
The compulsive gambler will tell you what you want to hear – even though it’s a lie. Usually, when you hear the person swear that he or she will never gamble again, it’s after a particularly disastrous loss, arrest, legal entanglement, loss of a job, or other serious consequence.
Instead of letting the lie go unchallenged, you will need to take a stand. Will you continue to put up with this addiction? What are your options? Only you can decide how you will handle your spouse or partner’s gambling addiction. While you certainly can’t force someone else – even one you love dearly – to quit gambling, you can decide how you are going to live your own life. You need to tell this individual how his or her gambling has hurt you and the family, how much you care about the person and want him/her to get help to overcome this situation. You can choose not to involve yourself in his/her behavior. No more lying to friends, family, employer or others about your partner’s gambling. No more excuses. No more looking the other way when the signs and consequences of mounting gambling debt are all around you.
If and when your spouse or partner is ready to admit to the problem and genuinely wants to get treatment to overcome gambling addiction, then you may begin to see a glimmer of hope on the horizon. The words alone shouldn’t convince you. In order for them to have meaning, they need to be backed up by action. Your spouse/partner needs to go into treatment.
You can help by looking into available treatment facilities, either residential treatment facility for gambling addiction or outpatient treatment facilities. Remember that the gambling addict has to want to change in order for change to have a chance. He or she will need professional help in order to overcome his/her addiction. With treatment, not only will the addict learn about the disease of addiction, but he or she will also learn how to avoid triggers and learn and practice coping behaviors to prevent relapse. Part of the gambling addiction treatment process will be to identify the underlying reasons why compulsive gambling is so attractive and to work on overcoming those urges.
My Son Has A Gambling Problem What Can I Do It
If the gambler is adamant about not getting treatment but still maintains he or she will never gamble again, there’s nothing you can do about it – for him or her. But there is something you can do for you. Attend Gam-Anon meetings. These are 12-step fellowship groups whose purpose is to help those family members and friends of gambling addicts cope with the situation. You cannot change the gambler, but you can change how you interact with the gambler and change your behaviors so that you are not enabling the gambling to continue.
My Son Has A Gambling Problem What Can I Do Someone
Bottom line: When you’ve had enough of the lies, you must make a choice. If you set limits, be sure that you’re willing to enforce them. Don’t make a statement that you’re not able to back up. If you say that you will leave the compulsive gambler if he/she doesn’t get help, you’d better be ready to go through with it. Again, what you do is very much your choice. But you don’t have to try to wade through the emotional minefield on your own. Get help and support from others in your situation.
Will the lies ever stop? The good news is that gambling addiction is treatable. If your spouse or partner seeks and completes treatment and attends 12-step meetings (such as Gamblers Anonymous) in recovery, with your support and encouragement (and your own Gam-Anon meeting attendance), there’s a very good possibility that compulsive lies – and compulsive gambling – will become a thing of the past.